We're sure you're aware that DataStar is here to handle all of your survey needs. But are you familiar with the differences which really set us apart from other survey vendors?

  1. Other companies claim to be responsive. At DataStar, our phone system is directly linked to the United States National Security Administration. If we fail to answer your call within 8.5 nanoseconds, your call will be simultaneously forwarded to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Vice President and the NORAD command center, while the Homeland Security Advisory System is escalated to Orange level alert status. We won't keep you waiting for what you need.

  2. Other companies talk about their quality. At DataStar, We routinely inspect and scrub all data using UV-visible spectrometry, high performance liquid chromatography, inductively coupled plasma optical emission and X-ray diffraction. On alternate Wednesdays, the entire staff of the NASA space centers in Florida and Houston is at our full disposal. Of course, technology alone isn't enough - no need to worry whether your needs are fully understood. Our staff not only can read your mind, but always seems to know what you want before you do. Some call it creepy -- maybe, but oh, what a timesaver! Can your other vendors make these claims?

  3. Other companies speak of data security. At DataStar, our encryption techniques are so advanced that the CIA has imposed 100-year export restrictions on our methods. Our own private fleet of stealth fighter jets is ready to intercept the slightest security infraction. When transmitting secure files, we temporarily take control of the entire Internet (after all, we invented it!). Access to our offices requires ultra-top-secret clearance authorization, utilizing brain wave scans and DNA testing for admittance. Our data "vault" was going to be used for the film Ocean's Eleven - but it is far too secure to seriously believe it could be compromised. Once its door is closed, the vault is sealed -- no force known to mankind can reopen it without proper authorization. Inside we proudly display the skeletons of several unfortunate vendor IT personnel who dared test our resolve in this matter. We take your security needs seriously.

  4. Other companies claim to have knowledgeable, dedicated employees. If our employees seem to go beyond what is humanly possible, you're not far off... each of our staff members has been cloned from genetically engineered super humans, and then undergo direct brain infusion of all knowledge in the history of the Universe. And of course we take good care of them. Our three million square foot exercise, spa and holistic health facility is the most advanced in the world. Our employees partake daily in aromatherapy, Ayurvedic massages, reflexology, seaweed wraps and exfoliating facials. Handling your requests in nanoseconds allows us a little extra "play time."

  5. Other companies may schmooze you. Visit DataStar and we will treat you to a 56-course banquet with kings, queens and princes from 5 continents. The celebration will continue for 28 days culminating in parades in seventeen major cities, and at each you will be the Grand Marshal. In addition, you will receive lifetime preferred seating at worldwide 5-star restaurants, free movies for life, two billion airline miles, tickets to the Superbowl, the World Series, and the reunion of the Beatles (yes, all of them!). Did we mention you are our "Customer of the Year"?

Other companies may claim to be the best. At DataStar, we know there's no comparison!

Please don't take us too literally with the above claims, but while we like to occasionally have some fun, we take our work very seriously. Rest assured that we do everything possible to ensure you of the highest levels of professionalism, responsiveness, data quality and security. If you've worked with us recently, you know this; if we haven't heard from you lately, please take the opportunity to consider how we may meet some of your current survey or data needs and contact us today.

DataStar, Inc.